Opening opening opening 👏

Receiving has been one of the biggest issues for me in my adult life.

What I’ve realized of late, while on Vision Quest which I arrived home from on Sunday 27th March 2022, is that I didn’t know how to trust.

Since then, I have been through many processes and much grief. As such that the pendulum has been in full swing from one extreme to the other.

I feel there are many layers to this, but all in all a big eye-opener has been trusting in myself and others. I believe this has been unfolding exponentially over the last two years especially.

What was incoming wasn’t always safe to receive. (There are no guarantees and/or hidden and undisclosed agendas.)

I had been groomed.

I learned in childhood (program) having the ability to be in full power and be in the true essence, the spirit of who I am innately, that had been crushed.

That for me to receive that it would come at a cost that equalled handing over my power, or having it taken without consent. I’d have to do something for it, usually, something I didn’t want to or didn’t like. It created distrust and a lack of safety. There are so many facets and layers to this, for myself and many out there in there in the world. Especially the children.

It was not safe to be me.

As a kid I knew I had so much power and had no idea how to use it for my benefit and that of the greater good. How can we when we are consistently misinformed, misguided and floundering to find our way back to the waters. Like a fish, held out of water and told, “Now swim”.

I remembered the wild natured child within me, full of life, a sense of freedom and love for exploring and adventure. I love to learn and recall was often ridiculed for my desire to know why, to discover how, the depth and details. I love details though often feel childlike or infantile in the world due to this void within that has been blocked from receiving. The best part is, it is within which I will speak to later.

As such, I’d give my power away to feel a sense of belonging and feel so displaced anyway because I felt disempowered.

Which led to not feeling safe to be in my power = closed to receiving because I learnt it wasn’t safe at such a young age.

“I’d receive all right”, even without consent, and be overpowered, coerced and manipulated into believing it was good for me, that I’d like it or told I had to because it is/was the ‘done’ thing or given an ultimatum ‘or else’ scenario. Or simply be forced and do against my will which just reinforced the distrust, mistrust and lack of safety in the world.

This unease within me questioned…..now what do I have to do to earn it?

Back to the best part, is that….it is part of me. A part I had misplaced and that it was still within me, in that void, lost somewhere in the mystery and darkness. It was when I was belly down on the Earth, that it all came rushing back to me.

Now I know it is my birth rite and it’s my responsibility to shine and share through being in my truth, my power and that I AM safe. That this wealth of gratitude for breath, to feel the Earth, the beat of my heart, the sun and warmth on my back. That I am here NOW. 

It has taken many layers of shedding and feel that this may also be a continuum of flow, just as the waters of the ocean do ebb and flow. There was good in it. Within the darkness I found forgiveness, I found compassion, I found love, I found the power of love. The what, the why and the cause for my full body yes’s and boundaries of No, to keep this body, mind, heart and soul safe. I’ve grown and I can bank that and give myself a pat on the back.

I secretly longed for someone else to do that. To show me that’s it’s okay to be me but only I can do it. There is no one on this planet that knows me as well as I do. Who can harness and embody my inner wild or feel the power that surges through me.

To use it for good.

We are all doing this dance of life, learning how to discover the steps to create the flow and harmony in the movement. To feel the depth of spirit and bring that forward into the world.

To learn and know how to come back home to the nature of who I truly am. Who we all truly are and that, I believe is, we are all children (seeds) of the universe and no matter what, I am supported in every way. Mother Nature is the biggest teacher for this…..all life wants to do is grow, to become stronger, to learn how to support and be supported, how to give and receive. 

Even through the toughest of life experiences, I am choosing to open up to receive the Light of love with humility, deep gratitude and grace.

“What a wonderful dance this is, even when I am crawling or belly down on the Earth. Plugging in through my umbilical cord, back into the heart of the Mother. To listen, to receive, to trust, to open and be vulnerable. To know in my heart, that all I need is here. It is all a gift. To live, to love, to learn and grow.”

Being touched by an Angel and many who have walked by my side, helping me, guiding me, to return back home to the Mother and love as much as I can along the way is what has me continue on this path.

Who wants to dance?????

In Spirit – Mele Luna Lux

In Love – I AM